I was probably 12 when I arrived at the bus stop and saw my
friend getting pummeled in the middle of the street. The guy dishing out the
beating was the neighborhood bully.
He was the same guy who stomped the cool snow fort we spent hours building and threw the rock that broke the watch my dad brought me from Japan. Now he was on top of my friend, beating him.
It was a surreal scene, not your normal schoolyard battle with kids circled and yelling. Everyone was still and quiet, the only sounds scuffling, smacks and whimpers. It was like everyone knew it was wrong… and we all just stood there.
Over 30 years later I still feel guilty. I was a coward. I was afraid.
Getting involved would have cost me something. He was bigger, stronger and mean. Even if we could have taken him together I would have paid later. I didn't want to get hurt, so I just watched it happen.
I still feel sick when I remember that story. It’s a feeling I never want to forget.
There are bullies in this world.
Some of them are people who take advantage of the physically, financially or socially weaker.
Some of them are ideas and ideologies, societal norms or positions of my group, my political party, my religion or my Facebook community. We don’t address them for fear of being shunned or “unfriended.”
But so often, those others only have power because of the bullies inside us. They shout, “You’re too fat, too weak, too ugly, too stupid, too addicted, too broken, too sinful, too lost, too nerdy, too needy, too insecure, too unlovable, too worthless.”
And we believe them.
So we lose our daily battles. We don’t talk to our boss about the inappropriate comment, or our friend about the bad attitude, or our spouse about a hurtful behavior. We stuff it and move on, believing the bully and fearing the cost.
Sometimes, I’m still afraid.
I hope the next time I am, I will remember the pain caused by doing nothing.
He was the same guy who stomped the cool snow fort we spent hours building and threw the rock that broke the watch my dad brought me from Japan. Now he was on top of my friend, beating him.
It was a surreal scene, not your normal schoolyard battle with kids circled and yelling. Everyone was still and quiet, the only sounds scuffling, smacks and whimpers. It was like everyone knew it was wrong… and we all just stood there.
Over 30 years later I still feel guilty. I was a coward. I was afraid.
Getting involved would have cost me something. He was bigger, stronger and mean. Even if we could have taken him together I would have paid later. I didn't want to get hurt, so I just watched it happen.
I still feel sick when I remember that story. It’s a feeling I never want to forget.
There are bullies in this world.
Some of them are people who take advantage of the physically, financially or socially weaker.
Some of them are ideas and ideologies, societal norms or positions of my group, my political party, my religion or my Facebook community. We don’t address them for fear of being shunned or “unfriended.”
But so often, those others only have power because of the bullies inside us. They shout, “You’re too fat, too weak, too ugly, too stupid, too addicted, too broken, too sinful, too lost, too nerdy, too needy, too insecure, too unlovable, too worthless.”
And we believe them.
So we lose our daily battles. We don’t talk to our boss about the inappropriate comment, or our friend about the bad attitude, or our spouse about a hurtful behavior. We stuff it and move on, believing the bully and fearing the cost.
Sometimes, I’m still afraid.
I hope the next time I am, I will remember the pain caused by doing nothing.
No comments:
Post a Comment