Club Church

I was sitting in a courtroom with a friend, when he leaned over and whispered, “There’s a strange formality. There are rules to follow, but no one tells you what they are. There’s a club that knows them and everyone outside it is off balance.”

As we talked we realized, “This is like church.”

Folks in the club know where to go when they walk in. Where to take your kids. What they do when they take them.

They know where to sit. When to stand up. When to close your eyes when you’re talking. They know the songs and even why we’re singing. They know to raise your hand when you sing but that you can’t, to ask questions, when the guy is talking.

They know about the book he’s reading from and how to find the spot he’s reading. They know what he means by, lost, found, sinner, saved and sanctified. They know why he gets to talk and no one else does.

They know what the tiny cups are for and the weird crackers that come with them. They know why the guy starts dunking people. They know why a cross is there.

We need to understand there are things about a “church” experience that aren't intuitive and can put people off balance. And we should work to minimize those things.

But here’s the deal. If my ship wrecks and I wash up on some island and a group of natives find me, I’m not going to care if I don’t understand their language, customs or culture. All I will be worried about is, are they going to heal me, comfort me and help me get home?  

There are a lot of people in sinking ships who are so culturally removed from the church it's like they've never seen land before. We need to learn how to love them, help heal them and show them the way home. 

Parenting

The other day, at a restaurant, the table next to me and my Dad had a young couple and a boy who was about 5. Dad and I were talking, so I only caught fragments, but the pieces sounded something like this.

Dad: We’re here to eat. Not to play. Not to sing. Eat. When it’s time to eat that’s all you do, eat.
Son: OK. I’m staring at you. 

Dad: I’ll tell you what my dad told me, “Sometimes you have to sit there and be quite.” 

Son: Next time you do that, don’t squeeze so hard.

Son: I don’t like it when people wake me up.
Mom: I get him up about 7:30, he eats, then watches Spongebob for about an hour. We leave at 9.
Dad: He can’t do that. What’s he going to do when he has to get up and leave the house right away? He needs to learn he can’t just lay around forever. When it’s time to go it’s time to go.

The conversation was hard to listen to, because I've been all three people.

I've been the overbearing dad, so worried my boys wouldn't learn proper etiquette, I gave them no air to be kids. I've been the mom, uncertain how to navigate parenting, critiqued by others who didn't seem to know my child or my reality.

And I've been the boy, just wanting someone to see me.

I think if a young parent ever asked for advice it would be, study your child. Care more about who they are, than about how they behave or who you want them to become. What motivates them, challenges them, builds them up and tears them down? Sometimes we need to discipline, not exert control.

Few things in life are more difficult than truly understanding. Few things are more powerful than truly being seen. 

Taylor Swift

You may have seen this video from Taylor Swift recently...

I don't understand why getting a present from a famous person would make someone cry. Yes, she is beautiful, extremely talented and, I'm certain, very hard working. And I know others just as beautiful and gifted. People are people.

And I'm sure there are those who believe Taylor's "nice girl" persona is exactly that, fake and used only to build a fan base.

But here's the deal... she made people happy.

Does she make so much she could do it for millions of people? Probably. Could she try do it privately and not turn it into a PR promotion piece? Sure. But who cares.

There are some people who will always remember that Taylor Swift noticed them and because of that, they feel valued.

That challenges me. Somehow it seems hypocritical to question someone else's kind acts if I haven't done any of my own. I don't know the last time I wrote a coworker, friend or family member a hand written note to say, "I see you, I value you and you are loved." I say "I love you" to people all the time, but sometimes we need... more.

What we need to realize is, our words are just as powerful as Taylor's. The receipt of the letter may not come with the same shrieks of glee but, if our message is heartfelt, it will get the same tears.