Motorcycles and Humiliation

As part of my ongoing midlife crisis, I bought a motorcycle. It’s little more than a scooter, but my feet reach the ground. I’d never really ridden a motorcycle before so I dutifully went to the training course required by insurance and Nancy.

There were about 20 students, most were young soldiers required by the army to be there if they wanted to ride on post. So there I sat, over 40 and inexperienced, with a bunch of hot shot 20 year olds who had been ridding for years.

Now, I've never been cool (what’s really sad is nerds and hipsters are cool now, but there’s still no love for little bald white guys) so I’m used to feeling a little intimidated in a room full of successful men. But here I was, on the back of a bike with a bunch of kids I will never see again and all I could think was, “You’re going to crash and humiliate yourself.”

It’s bizarre.

Why do we live life afraid? Men don’t like looking stupid, especially in front of other men. For some reason, we’re wired to need the respect of our peers.

I don’t think that’s a bad thing, it can drive us to work harder and achieve more, in an effort to earn the respect we’re looking for. The problem comes when it paralyzes us.

In language school, some successful men really struggled because they didn't want to sound like a 2 year old. Unfortunately, you can’t learn unless you open your mouth and when you open your mouth people will laugh. You might as well laugh too, it’s part of the process.

I’m convinced there is so much more life we could suck out of our journey on this planet if we didn't care who laughed at us. There’s too much to see, do, love, share, experience and even endure. It’s out there, waiting for us.

What is it in your life you've been afraid to try? Go do it. I promise not to laugh. 

Be Quiet!

I used to be afraid of quiet. Long car rides, extended time alone at home, basically any form of isolation with long periods of silence was scary.

I wasn't comfortable with myself. Quiet allowed dark and condemning voices a chance to shout at me. So, on came the radio, TV or internet; anything to break the silence.

For thousands of years humanity lived in relative quiet. Sure, cities bustled with the noise of people, carriages and even animals, but when you went inside your house or spent time in the country, all you were left with were the sounds of conversation and nature.

We've traveled so far away from that in the past 100 years, we can’t even imagine that kind of life. We can’t imagine a life, where good chunks of our days are filled with nothing but our own thoughts.

I don’t think we were wired for all of this noise. The cacophony of connectedness never gives our brains a chance to process; there’s never time for evaluation. We’re driven by input and impulse.

The noise worked for me pretty well until I woke up one day emotionally and spiritually dead. As a result, I had to walk away from a good job and people I cared about before I damaged them, my family or myself. It was difficult and I had a profound sense of failure.

In that experience, God gave me quiet. Nancy and I spent six months between roles and there were long stretches of silence. It was healing.

Silence can still be uncomfortable and I need it. It can be hard and it’s healthy. It’s when you can sort the condemning thoughts from the confronting ones, guilt from guidance and pain from peace.

It’s time to be quiet.  

Snow

Friends let us use their mountain condo for the weekend. It’s a great place located near some ski areas in Colorado.

It was great to wake up Saturday morning and see it snowing. Colorado Springs sits at the foot of Pikes Peak, which protects the city from a lot of winter weather. It’s great if you don’t like to shovel the driveway but sucks if you want a snow day from work.

So waking up to a fresh blanket of snow in the ground (and not having to shovel any of it) was a treat. As I looked out the window the snow was coming down relentlessly, yet gently and it covered everything. It was beautiful.

Brennan Manning died recently so I've decided to plunge back into his book The Ragamuffin Gospel. It’s a great book about God’s love for us; one you have to sit with, think about and feel. I’m sure it was his influence that caused me to think about the snow as a reflection of God’s love.

God’s love is relentless. It’s active. It pursues us. It came down from heaven to teach us, love us and die for us. It is steady, consistent and never ending. His love is relentless.

God’s love is gentile. Our world is filled with darkness and evil and we can experience peace. He breathes life into suffering, heartbreak and loneliness.His love is gentile.

God’s love covers everything. If you allow yourself to stand in it, it will consume you, cover you and make you new. The ugliness of your sins is blanketed by something fresh and beautiful. His love covers everything.

And it is beautiful. 

Worship and American Idol

Nancy and I like to watch programs like The Voice, or American Idol. I think part of the reason programs like these are so popular is because we've lost good shows like The Cosby Show and Family Ties. What else are you going to watch with your 8 year old in prime time? Two and a Half Men?

The shows are this generation’s Donny and Marie Show or the Mandrel Sisters. They’re pretty clean, good entertainment and have, the thing all Americans love, competition.

There’s something about the shows that are bothering me though; everyone is so gifted.

All of these people, with beautiful voices, will get voted off, feel like failures and descend back into obscurity overnight. From famous to forgotten, because I didn't like the song they picked or clothes they wore, but certainly not because they can’t sing.

I think these shows make me appreciate worship more. God doesn't care what it sounds like, he just loves the praise of his people.

It’s like the way a father feels when he arrives home, after a long day of work, and sees his three year old’s face pressed against the window, waiting for him.  Nothing else matters when he opens the door and hears, “DADDY!” from a little body jumping into his arms.

That’s how God feels about you. It’s how he feels about your worship.

So sing, dance, paint, write, walk, talk, work, hike, find quiet, marvel at his creation, whatever it looks like for you… worship. God doesn't care what you sound like. You won't get voted off. He just loves to hear you yell, “DADDY!” 

Finding the "Why?"

I’m sure the bombings in Boston yesterday have a lot of people asking, “Why?” And, understandably, God gets a lot of flack at times like this because we struggle with the concept of a loving God who would allow an evil person to do such an awful thing.

It’s an honest question and one we should struggle with if we want to have an honest faith. I wonder, though, if sometimes it’s a cop out. If I can blame God, then I don’t have to look at myself.

Don’t misunderstand me, this is not about blaming the victim. Attacks like these are senseless and perpetrated by angry, evil people against the innocent and defenseless. Their actions cannot be justified and they should be tracked down, prosecuted and punished.

What’s also true is, if we only blame God or write these things off as acts of a madman, then we never have to look at our government, or society or ourselves. Sometimes people are angry for a reason and it might be a good idea to ask, “Why?”

There are atrocities taking place every day, they just don’t impact me, so I ignore them and go watch another episode of Big Bang. Child sex slavery, the drug wars in Mexico, persecution of Christians and a civil war in the Central African Republic I can’t even find on the news anywhere, are just a few.

I wonder if when I ask God why he allows this stuff, if he doesn't ask me the same question. 

Why Does God Use Stupid People?

I've been in full time ministry for a long time now. And I have developed a deep love for people working in cross-cultural ministry. They are normal people accomplishing extraordinary things at no small cost to themselves and their families.

99% of these people are humble, hard working, sincere folks, just trying to follow their God. The other 1% are stupid.

I’m sorry, they aren't stupid; they just do stupid things. Because of some brokenness, pain or hardship, they act in ways that are self serving, power grabbing and even sinful (no one in HCJB Global, mind you. Our people are all perfect).

What makes me mad is God still uses these narcissistic people. People come to Christ, get disciple and grow in their faith. God even blesses them! Some get popular, they get money, even TV shows and stuff. It drives me crazy!

What’s worse, though, is when I finally get all worked up God and I have this conversation,

God: You’re being a baby.
Me: WHAT?
God: Who are you to judge another man’s servant?
Me: Um…
God: Read Philippians 1:15-18
Me: I don’t want to… I already know what it says from the last 100 times we've had this conversation.
God: Then what are you whining about?
Me:  I’m going to watch TV now…

Paul is sitting in prison, locked up for preaching the Gospel, while others are preaching for selfish reasons, even trying to make trouble for him. His response, “Who cares? The Gospel is being preached!”

What my frustration with others reveals are my own selfish motivations. It’s not about me. It’s about God and his desire to heal the broken relationship he has with people around the world. For some reason, he chooses broken people to do the work.

And that thought gives me hope, because if it’s true, maybe he can even use me. 

Banishing But

My friend Lauri told me not to use “but” anymore. We say things like, “He’s a nice guy, but he drives me crazy” or “She’s pretty smart, but has no common sense.”

The “but” totally negates the beginning of the sentence. People don’t believe it anymore, it’s been qualified.

Instead I should use “and.” It is helps people understand both statements are equally true. It has revolutionized my thinking.

We seem to have a hard time with competing truths, like God is good and bad things happen. I think, sometimes, Christians put a positive spin on stories because we don’t want God to look bad. Guess what, he doesn't need our help.

Not looking at both sides is worse than naïve, it’s dishonest and the world notices. “And” allows us to live in the discomfort of both realities.

• God is everywhere and I feel alone.

• God is the healer and my friend is dying. 

• God is the comforter and I feel broken.

• God is love and I feel unlovable.

There are realities in life that we can’t ignore and they do not diminish the realities of who God is. We need to embrace the tension; embrace the “and.”

If you’re looking for a good example of competing realities, read Elizabeth Elliot’s 40^th edition of “Through Gates of Splendor.” The second epilog is darker, harder to read... and much more honest.

 

Interviews

Over the next couple of weeks we have new missionary candidates showing up at HCJB Global. It’s always a great time to have new folks in the office, excited and energetic about ministry, trying to figure out if HCJB is a good fit for them.

Due to some bizarre oversight, I have ended up on the interview committee, trying to determine if the applicants are a good fit for us as an organization.

It hit me today the gravity of the situation. Reading applications and references, I realize the tremendous responsibility, not just for us as an organization, but for the folks we’re interviewing.

There’s something in me that wants to scream, “DON’T DO IT!” I want to let them know:

You’re parents will get sick and you won’t be there.

Your siblings will have lives that move on without you.

Your kids will never have a sense of country and never have a sense of “home.”

You will never feel comfortable in the U.S. or U.S. church again.

All you think you know and believe about God will be challenged.

DON’T DO IT!

And a part of me buzzes with excitement and says:

This is the most exciting adventure you’ll ever experience. I’m proud of you!

Your children will experience wonder like others could only dream of.

You will see God work in ways you never imagined.

It’s an opportunity of a lifetime!

DO IT!

I’m conflicted between a desire to warn them and push them forward. Hopefully, this week, I’ll be able to do both.

 

Gay Marriage and the Church

Yesterday I read this article written by a homosexual young man who attended Liberty University. It’s worth the time to read. 

It reminded me of a Larry King interview with Larry Flynt shortly after Jerry Falwell died. You can find it in two parts here and here. Falwell had sued Flynt over a disparaging ad that had appeared in Hustler magazine.

But later the two developed a friendship, a bizarre Odd Couple, who disagreed with each other about everything, but genuinely cared about each other.

The two stories remind me of the power of authentic people, displaying love, in one on one conversations.

It seems to me, part of the reason the Church in America gets a bad rap is because we spend more time talking about issues than talking to people.

I understand the draw of the media to sensational sound bites and the desire to box complicated people and issues into neat “us and them” categories. I also understand that we deserve a lot of the flack we get.

Christ said people will know we belong to him by our love for each other. But loving each other is hard, so we choose instead to be known for our stance on gay marriage, abortion or our political affiliation. We choose to be right instead of loving. It’s a tragedy.

If at my funeral someone says, “Well, at least he got it right on gay marriage,” I will sit up in my coffin and weep. I’d rather hear, “Jeff was weird, and he and some weird beliefs about stuff, but the dude loved me and maybe that means God does too.”

I Want to be a Weed

We lived in South Texas for a year. It was hot. Really hot. I saw Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego hanging around outside my kitchen window. When I asked them what they were doing, they said, “Reminiscing.”

Everything died. Birds, trees, grass. The whole place was brown… except for the weeds. Somehow the weeds stayed green. You could try to chop them off, but they’d just grow back. You could try to pull them up but they were all stuck together by the roots. Everything was dying but the weeds were flourishing.

I want to be a weed.

I’ve been to the jungle, with hundreds of inches of rain, where everything is lush and green and it’s beautiful. There’s also something beautiful about life that can flourish where nothing else can.

Weeds find water even in the sun’s harshest heat, like the hope of Christ is there for us in the harshest times of life.  We may have people hack at our character, but if we are well rooted, time will reveal the truth as we continue to grow.

Life will try to uproot us. In those times, we need to hang on tightly to those around us, clinging to each other for support.

I don’t like suffering. So much about it I don’t understand. But I have seen good people experience profound pain and deal with it with a grace I can’t explain. Not in a trite or dismissive way, but in a way that embraces their pain and, in their brokenness, chooses Hope.

And I say, “That guy’s a weed.” “She is a weed.” And it’s beautiful.