I don’t like conflict. In the fight or flight part of my
brain, the trigger to flee is dominant… very dominant.
This has lead to years of avoiding conflict, like a kid avoids broccoli. I've learned, though, that conflict isn't only necessary, like broccoli, it’s healthy.
I’m not talking about the kind of conflict some people crave, conflict that’s combative and meant to cause harm. Instead it’s having the courage to lovingly confront, to provoke growth and strengthen relationship.
When we don’t confront, nothing changes. People continue in their disappointing behavior and teams remain sick. Relationships are damaged, the rift broadens and dysfunction deepens.
In our work in staff care, Nancy and I see the impact of this. Sadly, we get called in after it’s gone on too long. Like an infection that has grown too severe, the only option is to remove a limb from the body. In a situation like that everyone suffers. The staff member, the team, leadership, everyone.
If someone had had the courage to sit down over a cup of coffee and have a difficult conversation months or years ago, things probably wouldn't have gotten so bad.
Remember though, when you confront, it takes a level of self awareness. Many times when I've sat down to chat with someone about their attitude or actions, I've realized I’m the problem. It’s then I realize, confrontation really is like broccoli, I may not like it but it helps me grow.
This has lead to years of avoiding conflict, like a kid avoids broccoli. I've learned, though, that conflict isn't only necessary, like broccoli, it’s healthy.
I’m not talking about the kind of conflict some people crave, conflict that’s combative and meant to cause harm. Instead it’s having the courage to lovingly confront, to provoke growth and strengthen relationship.
When we don’t confront, nothing changes. People continue in their disappointing behavior and teams remain sick. Relationships are damaged, the rift broadens and dysfunction deepens.
In our work in staff care, Nancy and I see the impact of this. Sadly, we get called in after it’s gone on too long. Like an infection that has grown too severe, the only option is to remove a limb from the body. In a situation like that everyone suffers. The staff member, the team, leadership, everyone.
If someone had had the courage to sit down over a cup of coffee and have a difficult conversation months or years ago, things probably wouldn't have gotten so bad.
Remember though, when you confront, it takes a level of self awareness. Many times when I've sat down to chat with someone about their attitude or actions, I've realized I’m the problem. It’s then I realize, confrontation really is like broccoli, I may not like it but it helps me grow.
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