Parenting

The other day, at a restaurant, the table next to me and my Dad had a young couple and a boy who was about 5. Dad and I were talking, so I only caught fragments, but the pieces sounded something like this.

Dad: We’re here to eat. Not to play. Not to sing. Eat. When it’s time to eat that’s all you do, eat.
Son: OK. I’m staring at you. 

Dad: I’ll tell you what my dad told me, “Sometimes you have to sit there and be quite.” 

Son: Next time you do that, don’t squeeze so hard.

Son: I don’t like it when people wake me up.
Mom: I get him up about 7:30, he eats, then watches Spongebob for about an hour. We leave at 9.
Dad: He can’t do that. What’s he going to do when he has to get up and leave the house right away? He needs to learn he can’t just lay around forever. When it’s time to go it’s time to go.

The conversation was hard to listen to, because I've been all three people.

I've been the overbearing dad, so worried my boys wouldn't learn proper etiquette, I gave them no air to be kids. I've been the mom, uncertain how to navigate parenting, critiqued by others who didn't seem to know my child or my reality.

And I've been the boy, just wanting someone to see me.

I think if a young parent ever asked for advice it would be, study your child. Care more about who they are, than about how they behave or who you want them to become. What motivates them, challenges them, builds them up and tears them down? Sometimes we need to discipline, not exert control.

Few things in life are more difficult than truly understanding. Few things are more powerful than truly being seen.