Mission Training International has a great debriefing program for missionary families. In it, they try to give missionaries and their kids a common language for what they have experienced, the paradox of missions. Or, for the kiddos it's a pair of ducks. A "Yay Duck" for things that make you happy and a "Yuck Duck" for things that don't. Let me explain.
I'm sitting again in Quito. I love this city. I love the mountains that surround it. I love the people who live in it. I love the perfect weather. I love life here. Except when I don't.
They're working on it, but the city is pretty polluted. I can't stand the traffic, buses or the way they drive. I hate rainy season when it's freezing. We're working on a visa and I'm so frustrated, I'm about ready to scrap it.
But I love the food. Long walks with Nancy in the park. The warmth in the greetings that include a peck on the cheek. I love their passion for football. And I love the rich history of a city over 500 years old.
And there are things about an old city that drive me crazy. Like when things don't work. Lights, plumbing. I can't drink water from the tap. Like a city infrastructure that was created for thousands now supporting millions.
I sat in church on Sunday, wrapped in the warm blanket of nostalgia. We had returned to a place where we worshiped for years. As I walk the streets I'm reminded of where Andrew acted in school plays and where Marcus played soccer. I can stand on the spot Andrew talked about his first kiss and where Marcus said he hoped Jesus would come back before the next sex ed. class.
At the same time I miss my friends from my passport country. I miss my family at Grandview. I miss my team in the office. I miss Andrew and Marcus and Kelsie and the gift it is they live in Colorado. I miss my dad and sister though they don't live nearby. I miss the places we play putt-putt and our favorite restaurants.
I can't even get started on the families I'd love to be with in Africa, Asia, Europe and Australia. We have people all over the world our hearts are tied to. People we've lived life with, raised kids with. People who have cared for us when we've been wrecked. People we have cared for. People we love.
Missionaries and their kids live in the tensions of the two ducks. It's a love hate relationship. You feel a bit schizophrenic at times. Loving where you are and wanting to be somewhere else. Sometimes loathing where you are and the thought of leaving is too heart crushing to contemplate. It's a beautiful mess. And you wonder why we're so weird when we come back to visit. :o)
I'm sitting again in Quito. I love this city. I love the mountains that surround it. I love the people who live in it. I love the perfect weather. I love life here. Except when I don't.
They're working on it, but the city is pretty polluted. I can't stand the traffic, buses or the way they drive. I hate rainy season when it's freezing. We're working on a visa and I'm so frustrated, I'm about ready to scrap it.
But I love the food. Long walks with Nancy in the park. The warmth in the greetings that include a peck on the cheek. I love their passion for football. And I love the rich history of a city over 500 years old.
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| They start them young just like us, but the ball is different. |
I sat in church on Sunday, wrapped in the warm blanket of nostalgia. We had returned to a place where we worshiped for years. As I walk the streets I'm reminded of where Andrew acted in school plays and where Marcus played soccer. I can stand on the spot Andrew talked about his first kiss and where Marcus said he hoped Jesus would come back before the next sex ed. class.
At the same time I miss my friends from my passport country. I miss my family at Grandview. I miss my team in the office. I miss Andrew and Marcus and Kelsie and the gift it is they live in Colorado. I miss my dad and sister though they don't live nearby. I miss the places we play putt-putt and our favorite restaurants.
I can't even get started on the families I'd love to be with in Africa, Asia, Europe and Australia. We have people all over the world our hearts are tied to. People we've lived life with, raised kids with. People who have cared for us when we've been wrecked. People we have cared for. People we love.
Missionaries and their kids live in the tensions of the two ducks. It's a love hate relationship. You feel a bit schizophrenic at times. Loving where you are and wanting to be somewhere else. Sometimes loathing where you are and the thought of leaving is too heart crushing to contemplate. It's a beautiful mess. And you wonder why we're so weird when we come back to visit. :o)
What a wonderful heart felt glimpse into the life of a global worker. Thank you for articulating our reality. I love the paradox of a beautiful mess. It is exactly how I felt this morning; so frustrated and out control with realities of serving people,yet I knew my life was exactly on track and being and doing what God wants of me! Thanks brother, enjoy your wonderfully maddening day! :)
ReplyDeleteHahahaha! We're in it together. Thank you for the encouragement!
DeleteBro, great piece. It hit me as I read your closing words. We all, as Christians, struggle with the schizophrenia of a physical personality and a spiritual personality. We love it here on Earth, but we really long to be in heaven. I don't say that to diminish the experience of you or other missionaries, but to hopefully offer empathetic comfort and support by knowing we can identify. Keep doing great things!!
ReplyDeleteGreat thoughts! Thanks! And you know, I almost went that way with the blog. We all have this disconnect, the sense we aren't really home. One day, my friend, one day. Thanks again.
Deletewell written, jeff! really conveys the soul of someone w/ feet in more than one place, culture, language, life.
ReplyDeleteSomething you know all too well... and so many times over.
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