My friend Tara is a trauma counselor who works a lot with victims of sexual abuse. As she works with women, sometimes they come to her with questions like, "Why do men do that!??" To which she responds with something like, "Well, I'm not a man. So..."
As a result, periodically, she's begun hosting what she calls "Ask a Guy Night." She bills it as an evening where you can learn, "Everything you wanted to know but never asked." No question is off limits. Anyone is invited and she holds it at the local library.
Because of our friendship, a couple of times she has invited me to be on a panel of three men asked to field questions. It is an honor I do not feel worthy of and a task I do not feel equipped to handle. To be trusted with wounded and healing hearts is both humbling and terrifying.
Their questions range from innocuous curiosity to painful probing but are not accusatory or combative. And I think that's because they desperately just want to know one thing, "Why?"
"Why did he cheat? Why did he hurt me? Why won't he listen? Why is sex so important? Why won't he quit looking at porn? Why does he talk to me that way? Why is he so dismissive?"
I walk out of those meetings emotionally exhausted. It's a heavy thing to see the impact a man can have in a woman's life. The damage we can do. Even good men, who act thoughtlessly, without consideration for the needs or the heart of their spouse, can do tremendous damage. Maybe not even in malice but in mindlessness.
More than that though, the night takes me back to times in my own marriage when I have been the offender.The callous one. The wounder. I grieve again the brokenness I have caused. I am thankful again for the grace I've received.
I wish every man had a chance to sit on the panel of "Ask a Guy Night." To sit publicly in vulnerability and exposure and hear the heart of a wounded woman. It makes you want to be a better husband. It makes you want to be a better man.
(If you have been a victim of abuse I encourage you to contact Tara. She's amazing at what she does. You can find her website here. Check out her blog here.)
As a result, periodically, she's begun hosting what she calls "Ask a Guy Night." She bills it as an evening where you can learn, "Everything you wanted to know but never asked." No question is off limits. Anyone is invited and she holds it at the local library.
Because of our friendship, a couple of times she has invited me to be on a panel of three men asked to field questions. It is an honor I do not feel worthy of and a task I do not feel equipped to handle. To be trusted with wounded and healing hearts is both humbling and terrifying.
Their questions range from innocuous curiosity to painful probing but are not accusatory or combative. And I think that's because they desperately just want to know one thing, "Why?"
"Why did he cheat? Why did he hurt me? Why won't he listen? Why is sex so important? Why won't he quit looking at porn? Why does he talk to me that way? Why is he so dismissive?"
I walk out of those meetings emotionally exhausted. It's a heavy thing to see the impact a man can have in a woman's life. The damage we can do. Even good men, who act thoughtlessly, without consideration for the needs or the heart of their spouse, can do tremendous damage. Maybe not even in malice but in mindlessness.
More than that though, the night takes me back to times in my own marriage when I have been the offender.The callous one. The wounder. I grieve again the brokenness I have caused. I am thankful again for the grace I've received.
I wish every man had a chance to sit on the panel of "Ask a Guy Night." To sit publicly in vulnerability and exposure and hear the heart of a wounded woman. It makes you want to be a better husband. It makes you want to be a better man.
(If you have been a victim of abuse I encourage you to contact Tara. She's amazing at what she does. You can find her website here. Check out her blog here.)
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