It's a Wonderful Life

It’s Christmas time, which means, It’s a Wonderful Life is making the rounds again. I like the movie because I think George Bailey’s experience is one that resonates with many of us. We spend our lives taking care of our kids, our spouses and the ones around us and, at some point begin to wonder, what difference have I made?

We may look back and not be very impressed with our body of work. I can easily see mistakes, failures, blunders and weaknesses that are painful to look at. Cutting words to people I love, wasted hours when action was needed, indifference to those in need.

If that’s true for you, remember this: as much as you want a “do over” yesterday is gone. It’s been sucked into the abyss and there’s nothing you can do about it. The good news is, your mistakes have gone with it.

There is nothing you can do about yesterday, but today is a different story. Today is day one. You can start over. Try again, make amends, get help, invest in others, hug your family, work hard, play, celebrate, hope, love.

But maybe you look back, like George Bailey and see the impact your life has had, the people who have been touched, the lives that have been changed. Maybe there is much to feel good about and be thankful for.

If that’s true for you, remember this: as warm and comfortable as reflection feels, yesterday is gone. It’s been sucked into the abyss and with it has gone your glory. The good news is today is a new adventure.

You cannot rest on past successes. Relationships demand ongoing engagement, investment and growth. Without it, a life grows stale, shallow and meaningless. Yesterday is gone, what have you done for me lately?

The pain or praise of yesterday may have shaped today’s reality. We can’t change that. But today… today is something I can do something about. That’s why, his mercies are new every morning. 

Though He slay me, I will hope in Him

Nancy and I recently attended a private screening of The Christmas Candle. A friend had seen the movie and wanted to share it with others, so he rented a theater to make it happen. I love it when people are so moved by something they are unafraid to act in big ways.

I have to admit I was a little skeptical of the film. I struggle with a lot of “Christian” films and have found more meaning in many secular productions than most flicks produced by the church.

I can believe someone can survive a plane exploding and falling from the sky, in the middle of a gunfight, while disarming a nuclear bomb, with a kitten in his backpack.

But Christian films don’t feel real.

What I appreciated about The Christmas Candle was it didn't shy away from unexplained pain and unanswered prayer.

My problem with many “Christian” films, and many Christians, is we seem to think God needs help, so we candy coat our stories.

We can talk about bad stuff as long as it doesn't get too dark. We can talk about the heartache as long as we quickly move to the healing. We can deal with loss as long as we look for the victory.

But sometimes life just sucks. We don’t get to see the reconciliation, the healing or the “purpose.” When we try to fabricate one in the middle of the suckyness we look either delusional or deceitful.

We need to admit, sometimes life sucks. The end.

That’s not a very cheery message, but it’s true. What’s also true is, even in the pain, there is a god who loves you enough to bind his limitless nature inside the frailty of an infant, in a relentless pursuit of you.

Why? So, one day, he can take you to a place where you’ll never weep again. And that's beautiful. 

Sometimes life sucks and it is never hopeless. Job's sentiment nails the dichotomy and we should learn from his example. 

Christmas is Coming... But so is Family

Ah, the Christmas season. The time of year we gather together the people we love most dearly for a mutual display of dysfunction. 

I got a note from a friend this week that reminded me, I'm most critical of the people closest to me. She wasn't trying to be mean, just offhandedly mentioning a conversation from years ago. It was a timely reminder.

There is something about family that makes us revert to old patterns and behaviors. For some reason we can ascend to attain the emotional maturity of a venerable saint, only to become a petulant toddler in the presence of a parent.

Why is it, when my boys return home, I treat them like boys instead of the men they have become? They are men who are bright and capable, able to make decisions I may or may not agree with, but decisions which are theirs and they can fully own.

I think the problem is muscle memory.

An athlete will repeat the same motion over and over so repetitively you don't need to think about it anymore. It just happens. It's buried so deeply in the brain it's instinctive.

It's a great asset for an athlete striving for consistency. It's a sucky way to engage in dynamic relationships.

We aren't static beings. We change. So it's no longer appropriate to talk to my boys like they're 10, even if it feels like it was just yesterday.

And I should also realize, when I'm tweaked by my elders, they have their own "muscle memory." It's behavior that's been brought on by years of experiences, sometimes pretty painful ones, which have worn deep grooves in their brains.

It doesn't excuse the behavior, or mean we shouldn't address it at some point. I'm just saying Christmas day might not be the best time.

As quarterbacks rework their throwing motion and golfers rework their swing, this Christmas, I need to rework my relational muscle memory.

Searching for Significance

A friend passed along this video last week. At 43 minutes, it’s one you’ll need to carve out some time for and it is well worth the time.

It focuses on our desire to please God. As healthy as that sounds, as you watch, Lynch leads us to the undeniable conclusion that it can’t be our primary motivation. Instead we need to trust.

There are a lot of reasons we want to please God. Because of our love for him, what he’s done for us, his commands, to earn favor. And I think deep inside many of us there is a quest for significance.

We want to be part of something bigger than ourselves. We want to motivate people, have influence, change lives, have an impact. It may not be on a huge scale, but we’d like it with our group of friends or our family, our kids.

We want our lives to make a difference.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to live lives that make a difference, as long as we understand it has nothing to do with our significance.

God created you with significance. You are infused with meaning. You have intrinsic value. Your life matters, simply because. If you sat on your front porch and watched the world go by for the rest of your life, you would be no less significant.

If you want to give to the poor, feed the hungry, free the slave good for you! As long as you realize your value isn't found there. Before your took your first breath your life already had meaning. 

A Critical Heart

I have a tendency to be critical. It’s not an aspect of my character I’m proud of. I can be critical of the government, my leadership, my church, a store, people in general and shamefully family and friends. I can pretty much pick apart anyone.

Something isn't done the way I like, said the way I like, a decision I didn't like, a program I don’t like, a song I don’t like, a cashier I didn't like, driving I don’t like, a plan I don’t like, a pace I don’t like.

Nancy ends up being the one who feels the weight of my negativity, when we get back to the car, I sigh and say, “You know…”

The problem isn't the grumbling. Every now and then there’s going to be something that tweaks us and we need to let out steam. The problem is my focus.

If we have a wonderful time at church and there’s one song I don’t care for, why do I focus on that song? If my boss has a few minor quirks, why do I fixate on them on not the positives? If shopping is a zoo on Black Friday, why do I complain about the slow cashier instead of all the loot I've just purchased?

What we choose to focus on shapes our attitudes which impact our relationships. Finding the positive, in folks who drive us crazy, reframes how we see them. They are no longer problems, but people. 

They are people who may not agree with us or act the way we would want them to, but people who have value and should be respected.

Sadly, with the chaos of the Christmas season, it can be a really difficult time of the year not to be critical. The stark irony of that makes me want to change.