I have a friend who was repeatedly sexually abused as a little girl.
She was violently assaulted by the very people God designed to protect her.
Because of her friendship, I will never look at suffering and its impact the
same way.
Imagine being in a small boat, miles out into the ocean, with the people you care about most. One of them comes and sits beside you as you bask in the warmth of the sun. Then suddenly, he throws you overboard.
Everyone laughs and it feels like a joke. Then they reach out a paddle to pull you in. But when you reach for it, instead of pulling you towards the boat, you are driven under. The people you trust most are trying to drown you.
Then a pattern begins, sometimes they pull you in the boat to breathe, then hurt you, then throw you out again and row away. You never know, are they going to help, hurt, or try to shove me under.
Finally, another boat comes. “Thank GOD” you think. But when you reach out for their oar, they too shove you under. Time and again, boats come by offering to rescue only to instigate violence.
After five or six of these boats, what would your response be to another outstretched arm of “support?”
In the U.S. there is a lot of assistance available for people who are struggling. Sometimes, we can get pretty judgmental, “Help is out there. Why don’t they accept it?” Well, when every boat that’s gone by has abused you, why would you ever trust an outstretched hand?
Loving my friend has been hard at times. I've had to watch as she’s treaded water and gasped for air refusing to trust the safety of relationship. I've had to leave what felt safe for me and get into the ocean of the pain of her story.
I've had no real answers or even help for her. All I can offer is a commitment not to paddle away.
Imagine being in a small boat, miles out into the ocean, with the people you care about most. One of them comes and sits beside you as you bask in the warmth of the sun. Then suddenly, he throws you overboard.
Everyone laughs and it feels like a joke. Then they reach out a paddle to pull you in. But when you reach for it, instead of pulling you towards the boat, you are driven under. The people you trust most are trying to drown you.
Then a pattern begins, sometimes they pull you in the boat to breathe, then hurt you, then throw you out again and row away. You never know, are they going to help, hurt, or try to shove me under.
Finally, another boat comes. “Thank GOD” you think. But when you reach out for their oar, they too shove you under. Time and again, boats come by offering to rescue only to instigate violence.
After five or six of these boats, what would your response be to another outstretched arm of “support?”
In the U.S. there is a lot of assistance available for people who are struggling. Sometimes, we can get pretty judgmental, “Help is out there. Why don’t they accept it?” Well, when every boat that’s gone by has abused you, why would you ever trust an outstretched hand?
Loving my friend has been hard at times. I've had to watch as she’s treaded water and gasped for air refusing to trust the safety of relationship. I've had to leave what felt safe for me and get into the ocean of the pain of her story.
I've had no real answers or even help for her. All I can offer is a commitment not to paddle away.
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