Nancy and I work to help care for missionaries. One of the ways we try to do that, is helping "senders" understand our experiences. If you have a missionary you care about, here are five dos and don'ts, for when they return for a U.S. visit.
Do: The first week they arrive, write or call to schedule dinner or coffee.
Don’t: Wait until the last week to get in touch.
When the family lands, it’s natural to think, “We have a whole three month’s to get in touch.” Then you get a note saying they’re leaving in five days. That’s when the barrage of contacts comes in saying, “WE HAVE TO GET TOGETHER!” They are packing, making last minute runs to Walmart and squeezing out the final drops of family time. All you’re doing is making them feel guilty for having to tell you, no.
Do: Offer to watch their kids so they can have a night out.
Don’t: Tell the kids how lucky they are to grow up overseas.
It may surprise you, but… the kids may not agree and now they feel guilty about it. You sell all your toys, leave your friends, move to a place without Cartoon Network, peanut butter and grandparents, then tell me how you like it. Yes there is a richness in the MK experience. There’s a price as well.
Do: Ask them about life in their adopted country… the people, economy, politics.
Don’t: Say you know what it’s like because you've been on three short-term missions.
You don’t know what it’s like to live in a country until you've paid an electric bill. If you have visited their country, it’s OK to talk about places and people you may have in common. It is much better to ask them their thoughts and perceptions.
Do: Ask them about their work, home life and day to day activities.
Don’t: Complain about your husband, talk about your little overachievers, whine about your busy schedule, tell them how lucky they are they don’t have to live with the hectic U.S. life.
They will want to hear your story and will be genuinely interested in your life. Just be sure you allow them some time to process theirs. People need a place to share their story. That’s not a message just for missionaries, it’s a life lesson.
Do: Ask them how their support is doing.
Don’t: Complain the economy is bad and let them know you haven’t had a raise in 2 years.
Missionaries hate asking for money. We hate it. And it’s a part of this weird setup we've been locked into. Be proactive. Ask how their support is and they will feel tremendously cared for. It’s OK if you can’t help. Just say, “We love you and wish we could do more.” Then pray about it with them.
Basically, the biggest gift you can give your missionary is a listening ear. I had lunch with a church missions committee and no one talked to me. It’s hard to return to the U.S. and have no one really interested in your story, especially when it’s the people who pay you.
This is not an exhaustive list. Feel free to add other dos and don'ts in the comment section. What's your story?
Do: The first week they arrive, write or call to schedule dinner or coffee.
Don’t: Wait until the last week to get in touch.
When the family lands, it’s natural to think, “We have a whole three month’s to get in touch.” Then you get a note saying they’re leaving in five days. That’s when the barrage of contacts comes in saying, “WE HAVE TO GET TOGETHER!” They are packing, making last minute runs to Walmart and squeezing out the final drops of family time. All you’re doing is making them feel guilty for having to tell you, no.
Do: Offer to watch their kids so they can have a night out.
Don’t: Tell the kids how lucky they are to grow up overseas.
It may surprise you, but… the kids may not agree and now they feel guilty about it. You sell all your toys, leave your friends, move to a place without Cartoon Network, peanut butter and grandparents, then tell me how you like it. Yes there is a richness in the MK experience. There’s a price as well.
Do: Ask them about life in their adopted country… the people, economy, politics.
Don’t: Say you know what it’s like because you've been on three short-term missions.
You don’t know what it’s like to live in a country until you've paid an electric bill. If you have visited their country, it’s OK to talk about places and people you may have in common. It is much better to ask them their thoughts and perceptions.
Do: Ask them about their work, home life and day to day activities.
Don’t: Complain about your husband, talk about your little overachievers, whine about your busy schedule, tell them how lucky they are they don’t have to live with the hectic U.S. life.
They will want to hear your story and will be genuinely interested in your life. Just be sure you allow them some time to process theirs. People need a place to share their story. That’s not a message just for missionaries, it’s a life lesson.
Do: Ask them how their support is doing.
Don’t: Complain the economy is bad and let them know you haven’t had a raise in 2 years.
Missionaries hate asking for money. We hate it. And it’s a part of this weird setup we've been locked into. Be proactive. Ask how their support is and they will feel tremendously cared for. It’s OK if you can’t help. Just say, “We love you and wish we could do more.” Then pray about it with them.
Basically, the biggest gift you can give your missionary is a listening ear. I had lunch with a church missions committee and no one talked to me. It’s hard to return to the U.S. and have no one really interested in your story, especially when it’s the people who pay you.
This is not an exhaustive list. Feel free to add other dos and don'ts in the comment section. What's your story?
Your boys were the most interesting short-term members of my Sunday School class ever. I say short-term because I didn't consider them guests - they were church family that the other kids hadn't met yet. I do wish the other kids had been braver about asking questions; your boys offered a perspective that the small town of Fremont never could. Kudos to both of you for the wonderful job raising these two. They're awesome.
ReplyDeleteThat's sweet Melissa. Thanks for the kind words. I think they're awesome too!
DeleteTrue even for the US-based missionaries....maybe not to the same degree on everything, but it's all applicable.
ReplyDeleteI really hadn't thought about that Nick, but you're right. A "return home" can look very much the same.
Delete